Chew up your freaking* food already!

Ally has always been a picky eater. I've written about it before (and many more times too). And really, there's never been a solution. She eats what she eats, and if she doesn't want to, I just let her wait until she's ready. She does eat a (tiny) little more than she used to, but most of the time now, I just ask her what she wants and feed her. Most of the time that's chicken, fish, PB&J, or grilled cheese. Occasionally, we have rounds of You're-not-getting-any-pudding-like-the-rest-of-us-unless-you-eat-your-(goddamn!)-corn, but mostly we just let it slide.

But lately, we've had a change for the worse. Ally has started taking bites, and Not.chewing.them.up. The first time it happened, was pumpkin seeds at day care. Now, I can sort of understand that one. Everyone was trying them, and Ally wanted to do it too. But then she didn't eat them. And an hour later, I got annoyed enough to let her spit them out in the trash can. But at supper the next night, it was something else. One of the foods she likes. After making her sit at the table for over an hour after we were all done, we sent her to go sit on her bed and chew. Then Rob spanked her. She doesn't care. So I took her to pee and get ready for bed because by this time it was bedtime. I made her lay down with no stories (we usually read 3). 10 minutes later, she yelled upstairs that she had swallowed - could she have stories? No.

I had hoped it would not be repeated, but it happened again. This time, Rob got angry. I got angry. Why the hell can't she chew up her fucking food? I hate it when she makes us spend all night nagging her to do something instead of having time to play and have fun together. it's gotten bad enough that every time I tell her to do something, Anya pipes up and grunts in the same tone of voice. It's obvious she's mimicking me and trying to be bossy. When I tell Ally to do something, I have to follow it by saying "Anya, be nice!"

The last time Ally pulled this stunt, we were on our way to Rob's mom's this weekend. She took a big bite of chicken nugget and half an hour later we got to her house. Then Ally sat at the kitchen table for an hour or so by herself. She won't chew her food! So we chose to ignore her. I ran in town with Rob's sister, and when I got back, Ally was outside playing. i was relieved. Thank god I didn't have to deal with that anymore. I asked Rob later, and found out that he let her spit it out. We don't usually let her spit anything out. Rob said he sat down and had a long talk with her. She said her belly was full, and she couldn't eat it. So they talked about deciding if your belly is too full before you take a bite, and stuff. He says he thinks she listened to him. We'll see.

I just hope this phase passes quickly. i get so frustrated with her, I just want to scream! It's not like I'm asking her to do differential calculus or anything. All she has to do is chew. Teeth together, up, together, repeat. It's not rocket science. It adds so much stress to the night. No one ends up happy. I wish there was a way to get her to eat. I'm willing to try just about anything. (Yeah, yeah, she'll eat when she's hungry... But that doesn't mean she'll eat healthy stuff)

So when everyone on the internet started talking about the Deceptively Delicious cookbook, I was intrigued. Maybe I could fool her into eating! And it would be healthy too! Then reality crashed down and I realized that if I can't get her to eat lasagna even without cauliflower in it, the cookbook isn't going to help me all that much anyway. Maybe the cookies and brownies? But I don't even know what chick peas are. Butternut squash? what's that? I live in Central Illinois. They land of corn. That's what I eat. with a little bit of green beans and carrots thrown in. I barely cook. I certainly can't see myself getting out my blender to puree vegetables I can't identify.

And then people started getting defensive about hiding the vegetables and tricking your kid. Really? Do they not have anything better to worry about? Last night we ran out of cheese slices, and I didn't know it until I was halfway through making a grilled cheese sandwich and went to get one out of the fridge. Did I tell her that I used shredded co-jack instead? No I didn't. And she didn't care. Sometimes you do what you have to do.

So, if you're one of those people who actually know what vegetables look like and such the book may be the thing for you. Or maybe, you can't stand to eat things like lima beans yourself. I know I can't. Hide them from yourself. Eat healthier. Use your blender for something other than margaritas. Check out the blog blast to read more about how everyone else deals with mealtimes. And check out the ad campaign for the book to see everyone's reviews on some of the recipes.

*Because I'm not so sure that ParentBloggers will like cursing in my title.

Comments

[Jenny]

Hailey won't swallow meat or anything that's not really soft.

What's up with that?

[Shawn]

I just wanted to pop in and thank you for having an angry headline on your blog post, too. I was just kidding with mine, sort of, but after I published it I was worried it would be taken the wrong way. Hopefully not.

I have one that will chew, but forever sometimes. Mostly, though, she chews for a while and then just spits it out as if something is wrong with it. She's done it today with sausage, hot dog, raisins, and cheese. I think she's under the weather. I hope that's the problem.

[Lela Davidson]

My son used to chew cheese for like - 2 hours, then spit it out all over the house. Maybe I could have watched him better?

[jodifur]

That does not sound like fun.

Thanks for your comment on Jodifur!

[Rachel]

Hmmm, I've never had to deal with not chewing, so I don't know what to say.

Frosty's?

[mama k]

Great post. I actually got the book to make food for DH and I. We eat a lot of wholefoods, veggies etc. But I still love me some comfort food and sweets. Mostly I just like cookbooks new recipes. LOL

Here's my entry:
http://mamaknj.blogspot.com/2007/10/lay-off-jessica-people.html

[Stacey]

My oldest goes through periods where he won't chew either. He'll just sit there through the entire meal with a bite of chicken tucked in the side of his mouth, like a squirrel with a nut. "Chew your damn food!" has been heard way too many times in our house.

I have the other veggie hiding book - the Sneaky Chef. I don't use it much but I spent a good 15 years as an adult hiding veggie from myself before I had kids, so there really isn't much a ook can tell me on the subject at this point. :)

Love your blog title. Douglas Adams is my all time favorite author

[slouching mom]

Wow, that DOES sound tough. My older son is stubborn about food, but in different ways from your daughter.

It's getting the food in his mouth that's the problem, not what happens to it once it's in there. Heh.

[Jan Williams]

One day my youngest daughter sat for 3 hours letting ONE green bean disolve in her mouth and still didn't chew it. I followed her into the bathroom to make sure she didn't spit it out. The whole time I was explaining patiently (and then not so patiently!) about how she was tasting it the whole time and if she would just chew that one green bean and swallow it, it would be gone and she would not have to eat one again at that meal...but no, the dang thing disolved and ran down her throat with the saliva she swallowed while she was sitting there almost falling asleep at the table while we played "I'm the mom and I'm stronger willed than you are" (not my favorite game! and one I seldom won) She was 3 at the time or maybe 4. We also played a game called "You are going to pick up these toys in your room if I have to take your hand and put it around the toy and put it in the toy box MYSELF!" That was also not a fun game and I didn't win it either. Sounds to me like you are just getting some well deserved pay back since that little girl was YOU! And Ally is way more pleasant while she is defying you than you were. She tries to talk you into her point of view but you would just sit and stare at me! I can hear echoes of "I hope you have children just like you" in my ears! Mom

[CPA Mom and Soccer Mom Angela]

I've taken to letting them skip meals rather than battle it out. So far, they've not been harmed/starved. Teheheheh.

I loved this cookbook. For hiding veges from me!

[Shelly1]

Your child may have a medical condition, I too have a three year old that had sensory issues when she was little, food textures is a real big deal for her, she went to sensory therapy, and got much better, all of her sensory issues got better. She is starting to develop some of the issues again. We are going to put her back into therapy. This is something that they cannot help. Spanking and getting upset will only increase the problem. you can research sensory intagration on-line, you will find lots of good info