Life, the Universe, and Everything

The funniest Knock-Knock joke I've ever heard

Ally: Anya, I'm going to tell you a joke. Knock-knock. Now you say "Who's there?"
Anya: Knock-knock
Ally: No, you don't say knock-knock, you say "Who's there"
Anya: Who's there?
Ally: No, we have to start again
Anya: knock-knock.
Ally: Noooo! I say knock-knock. Knock-knock
Anya: Who's there?
Ally: Banana
Anya: Orange!
Ally: Anya, you have to say "banana, who?" we're not to that part yet.
Anya: banana who?
Ally: Knock-knock
Anya: banana
Ally: Noo--
Anya: Who's there?
Ally: ok. Banana
Anya: banana who?
Ally: knock-knock
Anya: orange!
Ally: An-YA! you're not doing it right! say "who's there?"
Anya: who's there?
Ally: Orange
Anya: hahahahahaha
Ally. You have to say "orange who?" now.
Anya: Orange who?
Ally orange-ya glad I didn't say banana?
Anya: Yeah!

Fiesta

We couldn't have possibly had a better day on Saturday for the party. It was warm and sunny, but there was a good breeze blowing to keep things cooled down. The bounce house had a few minor setbacks (they didn't give me anything to stake it down and it was trying to blow away, but after I called, they brought them to me. Great service. And how the hell are they supposed to climb into it? Rob found that solution.) but was a huge hit. We (Anya) threw a bunch of balloons in with the kids, and the wind kept them blowing around. The kids bounced themselves sweaty, and occassionally took breaks for bubbles, chalk, bikes, bean bag tossing and food.

The food was perfect (if I do say so myself). We had half pb&j's, goldfish crackers, cheetos, grapes, apple slices, blueberries, hawaiian bread, and veggies to snack on, and with perfect timing the pizza delivery guy showed up with pizza for the adults. The kids loved being able to find their own food, and mine didn't complain a bit about what they had to choose from. That's always a winning day in my book. In fact, Ally kept asking me if she could have more things. awesome. I had the fore-thought (after 4 years of learning about these things) to know that I'd be busy when something needed to be done, and I'd have lots of helpers, so I wrote a list of things that had to be done, and when I was running around calling about stakes, Darra finished a bunch of stuff on my list for me. I would just like to say how much I love my mother-in-law. For many reasons.

Anya loved her rainbow cake and couldn't wait to open her rainbow crocs. She tore through the presents until she found them. She was polite to people, saying thank you, and paying attention to the stuff she got, and truly was a model kid. She let her friends help her blow out her candles and open her presents (a little), hugged kids goodbye and never once had a melt-down. I couldn't be more proud.

Ally had 2 of her friends over too, and she behaved very well. I know how hard it's got to be to have your little sister getting all that attention, and she handled it like a trooper. We had a couple rough moments when the presents got taken out of their boxes, but that was entirely expected and smoothed over with a bunch of snuggles.

My mom and family showed up after the party was over. She had something to do in the morning. And while Anya asked a couple of times why her cousins weren't all there (Aunt Ruth came on time and brought Marley), she seemed ok with it when they finally did show up. And of course, my grandparents talked to Mom, and so they didn't plan on getting there until around the time she did. oh well.

Anya had a smile on her face all day. And she wants to turn 4 next weekend.

So long, my little 2 year old. I'll miss you

Good-bye 2.

 

Hello 3!

• 

I think my brain is going to implode

April 21 - tanning; stop at the grocery store for pot luck tomorrow; cook food for pot luck; clean; mow

April 22 - pot luck for the teachers at day care; Anya's ear re-check at 3:45; clean; move toxic chemicals out of reach in the garage

April 23 - tanning; 6:00 Kindergarten Orientation night for Ally - Anya with babysitter; clean

April 24 - pick up cake; pick up bounce house; clean; wash sheets; 6:00 family fun night at day care; ready house for 5 overnight guests (hide unmentionables); wrap presents; finish treat bags; order pizzas; clean;

April 25 - set up tables; find more chairs; make drinks; lose cars, so there's room to play in the driveway; make pb&j's; set out food; 10:00 party; bye-bye cleaning (kiss my shot at mushrooms goodbye, because they're going to be popping up this weekend)

April 26 to May 1 - decide whether it's worth it to have a garage sale; gather necesary crap; make cookies

May 2 - let kids set up lemonade/cookie stand for garage sale.

May 3 to May 11 - decide who gets the kids in event of firey plane crash; finish (and start) will; notarize medical consent form; gather list of insurance/credit card/reitrement/house/car documentation; decide which dress to pack; pack; gather keys to vehicles and guns for Darra; panic just a little

May 11 (day)- leave for cruise; plane ride; find dock; ack!!!

May 11 (evening) - ahhh. Sip daiquiri and think no more.

Empty Playlist

The day care, in their infinite helpfulness, made Anya a mix cd of some of their favorite music. And she loves it. Ally too. So, of course I hear it to and from day care as often as I can stand. And I never get to drive long without them anyway, so I never get to listen to the radio.

I mentioned my recent purchase of a bikini bathing suit (and the need to be able to fit into it) and MP3 player. Loud music gets me walking faster and losing more of my ample thighs.

Add in the fact that I have had no money for the last who's-counting number of years and haven't bought new cds forever.

And you get a complete loss of information about the music I need to put on my new MP3 player.

It's obvious I need outside intervention here, right?

So I'm asking you for help. And anyone you know who might feel inclined to help me can too. I'll give you a list of some of the current songs I have on my playlist that get me moving quickly, and you give me a list of similar ones that I can borrow*, buy or download. Please?

• Seether - Fake It
• Seether - Rise Above This (and more)
• Evanescence - basically the entire Fallen album
• Live - I Alone
• Linkin' Park - One Step Closer
• Linkin' Park - In the End
• BuckCherry - Lit Up
• Bush - Machinehead
• Bush - Glycerine
• Offspring - Nitro
• Skid Row - 18 and Life

Does that give you an idea of what I'm looking for? Also hints - things I've heard on the radio lately and wouldn't mind having either

• Theory of a Deadman - Bad Bad Girlfriend
• Drowning Pool - 37 Stitches
• Nickelback - Something in Your Mouth

Help. I need specific songs if I have to download them, good albums if I have to buy them, and your address to mail cookies if I can borrow them :)

*You all know this is the best option, right? 'Cause I still don't have much money.

Traditions

Rob believes in holiday traditions. And I believe in documenting them.

Thanksgiving 2007

 

Thanksgiving 2008

 

Easter 2009

Fancy

I forgot to mention. Check out those shoes! Aren't they awesome? Too bad it's cold again today and they have to go back in the closet for a while (again).

My princesses

I forced my children to smile at me a lot yesterday. This usually doesn't work when I try it, but, well, they had easter candy in the house that I could use as a bribe. Still, I had to take roughly 300 pictures to get a couple of shots where they were both looking at me without someone's mouth wide open, talking or eyes closed. I'm not kidding.

This was the best of 26.

 

I tried to take one of Anya by the tree by herself. I got 6. This is the best. Can't even see her eyes. Stinker.

 

Same thing for Ally. I shot 22. Maybe 2 were decent.

Forget trying to get the 2 of them looking in the same direction. I took 32. 

 

 

And then I tried to get them holding hands. 16 shots

 

And after getting in the car, I realized that some of Anya's bribe had remained under her lip even after I washed her face. So we tried some more at my grandma's house. Not a single one of Anya looking at me. 20 shots

 

Ally did a better 14 shots

 

Both together? Hahaha! 91 shots. And this one where they're both not really looking at me was the best.

We moved to the porch swing. 50 shots close-up, 18 full body

 

Then I gave up and tried to get them standing together on the porch for one last pic. 12 shots.

They all suck.

But if you can look past the frustration of trying to get a perfect picture, they're kinda funny. I can actually see Anya saying cheeseburger in some of them, thanks to the burst feature on my camera. So I'm keeping (almost) all of them. For those of you who get into my photo albums on Walgreens, April is going to be filled with pictures that are remarkable similar, yet maginally different (And it's not even Anya's birthday yet). I'll mark the best ones with a heart (in favorites) so that you don't have to search through all of them to find ones to print. I can't bring myself to hit the delete button. looking at me or not, they're beautiful pincesses. And they're mine.

Happy Bunny Day, everyone!

Let Freedom Ring

Mom picked the kids up after day care on Monday. She brought them back to me last night at bedtime.

For those of you who are a little slow, that means Rob and I had almost 2 entire evenings to ourselves!!!

TMI here: Unfortunately, it's that time of the month, so we had to find something else to do. So we went shopping. I'm desperate for a pair of jeans, and after the case of the missing mp3 Player. Rob decided I should have one of my own. Yippee. And we've been wanting to watch Fight Club again, so we headed out to Best Buy. I got a MP3 player and a couple disks and Rob managed to find an entire section of movies on war. (Yippee - only with lots of sarcasm this time). And Fight Club (Have you ever seen this? It's the only movie ever that I have found Brad Pitt even remotely attractive. But in this movie? drool... You know, when he's not bleeding and stuff. And just for the record, the first time I watched Fight Club, it was just released (on VHS?) and I saw the hidden scenes. You know what I'm talking about, right? But I didn't think too much about them. Then just before the credits, Bam, PENIS. I was watching it with Rob and another guy and neither one of them saw it. I said hey, there was a penis. And they're all "What are you talking about?" We rewound and slow-motioned and I was vindicated.), of course.

Back to the shopping. Remember, we were talking about shopping?

Then I went on a hunt for jeans. The problem is I'm short. I've complained about it before. I can't find jeans that fit. So we went everywhere, and I was thrilled when I walked into Vanity and saw they actually had 28" inseams. !!!! But the jeans were all pre-chewed and uh, "trendy" or something. I'd rather get my jeans without holes in them. so sad. hmmm... I wonder if they have any on a website without holes... BRB. They've all got holes in them ARG. So I spent a good-awful amount on a pair that fit me in the thighs/butt at another store and they came with a free alteration, so they will NOT be too long. And I can pick them up tonight. But while there, Rob found me a itsy-bitsy-teeny-weeny-yellow-polka dot-stripey-bikini. I will not be posting pictures.

And then I got some of the aforementioned dresses that I have to pick from. I love shopping with Rob. He helps me find things that look good on me, and we all know how much fun looking good is. Then we went home and watched our movie (not the war ones).

Tuesday, we had all kinds of time too, so I tried to use it being productive. I pulled a bunch of things out of the kids closets to make room for the short sleeves that I hope will soon be needed (Please let winter end soon). This was prompted by the following conversation:

Me: Get something warm, it's going to be cold today
Ally: This (Red fleece outfit with the words "I Love Santa" on the shirt) will be warm!
Me: Yep. It will (In accordance with my It's-not-important-what-they're-wearing-as-long-as-it's-weather-appropriate philosophy)

I'm all about letting them look like fools, but if the santa clothes aren't in the closet anymore, they can't pick them out, right?

And then Rob decided to lose his freaking mind and suggest we try out our new bike rack and take a bike ride down the trail. And we all know that I'm insane, (evidence: I married him) so we went on a 45 minute bike ride in the 37 degree weather. We forgot gloves. But (further proof of insanity) it was kinda nice too. But it's his fault the laundry isn't put away. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

But I missed half of American Idol and had to google it today. And then the kids got home and we couddled and it's back to normal today. Oh well, normal is good too.

Dammit, why don't you people live here, so I can get your opinion?

I thought about taking pictures, but I can't take them of myself, and Rob's no photographer. Bah.

So, I have to pick out something to wear to the formal dinner on the cruise, and I have about 6 different things that I could wear, but I have no idea which one to pick. I think I'm going to have to have some of my friends from work come over for a fashion show. They can't give me opinions yet, because the clothes I'm deciding on have never been worn to work (most haven't been worn at all yet) because they've too dressy. plus, Rob's suit is a blue pinstripe, so I have to try to not clash with it. Would a dusty plum color clash with blue?  How about a deep purple? I also have black or royal blue. And a brown, but I've pretty much thrown it out of the running.

And don't even get me started on shoes...

Bedtime Conversation

Me: I love you, forever and ever.
Ally: Mom, when you die, will you still remember me?
Me: Always. I could never forget you
Ally: Good.
Me: But I don't think I'm giong to die for a long time, though. You don't need to worry about that.
Ally:But I have more chances to be alive than you, because you're older than me. And Anya has more chances to be alive than me (a little bit) and you have m,ore chances to be alive than Daddy
Me: Well, that's how it works sometimes... Now go to bed. I love you, goodnight.

2 minutes later Ally comes runnig into our room while I'm telling Rob about it.

Ally: Mom! I forgot to tell you something.
Me: (after a short conversation about staying in bed) Okay, what do you need to say?
Ally: When you die, I'll still remember you.

Isn't she sweet?

Anyone want an MP3 player?

After weeks of insisting that Rob had the mp3 player last, and that I hadn't seen it anywhere, I, um, sort of, found it in my desk drawer at work.

So now, obviously what I need to do is lose this one again, and go out and buy a new one and he'll never know he was right, right? Tell me I don't have to admit to Rob that I was the one who had it last and lost it after all this time.

What?

Dammit. I hate acting like a grown-up.

39 days to go

We leave for our cruise on May 11th. I can't wait.

• 5 days without having to feed anyone but myself.

• 5 days to relax on the beach(es).

• 5 days without having to break up fights between the girls.

• 5 days without having to remind anyone to eat their food.

• 5 days without wiping anyone's butt but (haha) my own.

I love my children more than life itself. I couldn't bear it if anything happened to them and I was left without either one of them. But 5 days? I can handle that. I am looking forward to missing them.

To that end, I'm already packed. just kidding. well, sort of. I have already made a tentative packing list. We already bought containers for the liquids to take on the airplanes. Our bags are measured to make sure they can be carried on. We're checked in to the cruise. We have our itenerary set. I'm tanning twice a week. Clothes have been tried on and evaluated. (Situps still need to be done) We need to go bathing suit shopping. (hmm and maybe even shoes...) Passports have been recieved.

Now I just have to wait 39 more days. ugh

*Btw, Darra's going to have the kids at our house, which contains a couple of pistols and a shotgun that she knows how to use, so no crazy burgular/ax murderers reading this should get any bright ideas.