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March 18, 2010

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Jill

Wish I had some words of wisdom about Anya, but I'm not doctor. Granted, I've had limited interaction with your kids, but from that experience, this is what I can tell you. As for Ally: I'm a big believer in kids showing respect to adults no matter what they think of them. Saying excuse me, for example, or please and thank you, and not just move over or I want that. It's common decency. Submitting to an adult's wishes, as long as it's not freaky, upsetting, or illegal is also par for the course. Particularly if you're at their house and it's their things she is touching, using as a hula hoop, punching bag, etc. :-) Having your own mind is one thing, but doing whatever you want is something else all together. Whether people are stupid or smart is irrelevant (you've mentioned that before with her), they still deserve the decency of a small child being polite to them. I think you're giving your daughter a little bit too much credit as far as 'her knowing how smart someone is' or 'respecting' etc.. She hasn't earned the rank and file of adult, so stop letting her act like one or don't have those adult types of conversations around her, then maybe she won't get the vibes from you as to who to respect and who not to? Kids DO pick up how you treat/talk about others and follow suit. What else can I say? You'll have to punish her now because you didn't make her get it right the first time? May be kind of odd, but, whatever. Sounds like you are thinking in that direction, but far be it for me to give you any ideas on how to do that. Haven't had one that age, and my n/n all seem to do okay on the manners part. And there is a chance that her never having responsibility makes her not realize how hard it IS to be an adult. That perhaps an adult might know a little more than her about x, y, z and that they have a reason for whatever it is they are objecting to (a rule, for example). You may not even be aware of whatever it is, either, and while you can't prepare her for everything, following some basics will keep her from trouble (and you from embarrassment). If she takes on some responsibility it might help take her down a peg or two, and keep her busy enough not to think about whether or not someone is smart. LOL. So...she can think whatever she wants, but teach her to still be polite. After all, not being polite doesn't really get you very far with most people. It gets you kicked out of school, fired from jobs, sent home from play dates, etc. etc. [not saying that would happen to your kid, but as an overall example]-- and of course Ally's example sets Anya (and any other kids you may have) up for the same kind of "problem" in the future. Monkey see, monkey do. Just take one issue at a time and see how it goes. I know you have precious little time with the girls as it is, but if it's causing an issue at 6, imagine what it will be like in the teen years...better to deal with it now than when she might be able to out logic you!

Hope your training goes well and that you find a home for your pups!

Uncle Rog

Ring Lardner: "Writing is easy. You just sit down at a typewriter and bleed."

arizaphale

Wow. Jill. There's some real honest to goodness wisdom in that comment. Before I read it I was going to tell you that I know exactly what you mean about the blogging. I have culled it of late as life as spiralled frantically. Sometimes I wonder whether my life will ever be normal and then I look back over some blog posts and read about my pretty normal and pretty blessed life and think...yeah, that's why I blog. Cos like you said: "you can't capture a moment later. If you don't do it now, it's gone, changed by the impressions future events leave and remembered imperfectly." Woah. How true.
Everything I write now is in retrospect with some parts rehearsed in my head to 'write down' later....
Sorry to hear about Anya. A friend of mine's daughter was diagnosed with a genetic condition a few years ago. Initially it is devastating but with time and medication it just becomes a part of life....like flat feet...or freckles. (seriously, freckles are a real disability and a genetic condition to boot as well! Huge parts of my life are governed by my inability to expose my skin to the sun for any length of time...)
Loved this post. Sorry I've been absent.

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